Dave Mulryan is the Co-Founder of Everybody Votes, a group that registers high school Seniors to vote. He is President of Mulryan/Nash Advertising, Inc.
Nov 18
Happy Thanksgiving America
I am sooo thrilled about what has happened that I am sending my Christmas letter for Thanksgiving. We did it! The gals took on Trump, and WE WON.
The year was action packed. I went to the anniversary of the Women’s March, and in the middle of it we were electrified when we heard that Mueller had been fired, and we stampeded because, finally, we had to march to protest the Mueller firing. We were READY. We turned over two police cars, lit them on fire, turned over the buses that the League of Women Voters had rented, and made it clear that the Mueller firing WOULD NOT STAND. My lesbian friends showed us where to grip the cars and buses to actually turn them over, and they were so right. The Birckenstock is fantastically designed to really let you plant your feet for maximum leverage.
Imagine our shock when it turns out that this wasn’t true. We were ready though, and we all swiped our Amex cards to pay for everything. The League Ladies were rightly upset, and I am not sure they will recover. I told them, “Look, this is war, you have to expect a few burned buses now and again.” They finally understood. My Indivisible classes on conflict resolution REALLY made the difference, let me tell you.
As summer rolled around and the primaries heated up, I invented a new way to get everyone to get more signatures, the see through bikini, and it worked like a charm. Some mean people thought this was sexist, and exploitative, but I didn’t listen. Our female candidates NEEDED these signatures, and they got them. When someone complimented me on my stellar signature collecting techniques, I just smiled and said, “You’d be amazed at the new types of pasties that they have now,” and everyone laughed. “I love pastries,” said everyone.
I nearly died during the Cavanaugh hearings, but luckily the lesbian gals thought ahead, and they had this great kit where you could install your TV on your ceiling, above your bed, so I did that, and took to my bed for the duration. It was a brilliant solution, and I bought a case of smelling salts on Amazon, and made it through, but barely. You all understand.
The pussy hat factory that I moved offshore to Pakistan was destroyed, accidentally, in some sort of drone attack, and it was a huge mess. I had my phone group call the Pentagon for weeks, and they finally paid for the factory, but it was a tough slog. It bothers me that the Pakistan government wouldn’t let me rebuild, but what could I do? The pussy hat is over, I am told, according to Women’s Wear Daily. Oh, well.
As we geared up for election day, I discovered that I could make these great voice commands, and, post them on Facebook, so I took a class in primeval screaming, learned to screech GO VOTE in 12 different American Dialects, (Southern, Twang, Floridian, NEW YAWK, etc.) and I recorded for 2 months straight, then zapped them everywhere. I am told that this is what won several elections, which doesn’t surprise me. I have been told my voice can drive people to do LOTS of things. I was happy to contribute.
So we did it. I am still appalled at Mr. Trump, and will continue to fight on the front lines. What is going on with Facebook? Are they on our side? I CANNOT work without them, but I am sure everything will work out. I took a class in how to spot Russians on Facebook, so that is probably a big part of it.
So, I am content. These Democrats better do what we told them to do, or we will call them EVERY DAY.
So, Happy Holidays, and keyboard on.
Everyone keeps talking about registering voters, but I am against the Trump administration having our names and address’s so I put a stop to that whenever I see it. It SO GREAT to be useful.
Best,
Betts.
1
